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Sometimes It’s Just Too Much
I feel everything. Everywhere. All the time. Sometimes it’s just too much.
Don’t get me wrong… feeling things is great. It means I’m alive – in tune with myself and the world around me. I guess feeling things too deeply is better than feeling nothing at all, but sometimes I feel like I’m cursed. I feel like it’s too much for my body to handle. I feel like my heart is going to stop beating at any second.
I can’t watch the news. I can’t look death in the eye. I’m constantly devastated. I wish I was stronger. I wish I didn’t feel it all. I guess that’s the problem. I absorb every single ounce of pain, every heartbreaking story of suffering that I see or hear about. I feel it all, and it crushes my soul as if it were my very own suffering.
Sometimes I wonder why I’ve been made this way. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to not feel so much. I think about how soothing it would be for the soul. I wish I could see a dead animal and accept that it’s just Mother Nature doing her thing. I wish I could see a dying tree and not care. I wish I didn’t feel grief climbing into my heart when I hear about someone else’s grandfather dying.
Everyone’s pain becomes my pain. All the time. I feel it all. Sometimes it’s just too much.